A note to family…

Dear mom, dad, sisters and brothers,

I’m really sorry that you all had to endure me for a long time.I’m very well aware of how mom and dad’s dream of having a girl in the family shattered when I was born. Every preparation you made, every note you spent, ended up in vain! I was born, yet no one wanted me to be born!

I know you tried to care for me, to love me just you loved everyone else. I don’t blame any of you for anything. You did a great sacrifice in pretending that you love me. But motherly and brotherly love themselves are emotional feelings, bonds that develop between two souls.

Do you know how many times I’ve waited to be greeted when I woke up in the morning? Do you know how many times I longed for your hugs, but didn’t get it?

Everything I did became mistakes. You never found the good in me. I lost hope in everything, because you never gave me hope! I know I’m not the pious, submissive person anymore. If that’s a sin, I believe I’ve sinned. But you never asked me why I became who I’m. You never wanted to know the reason behind anything, because in your world “Why” doesn’t have a meaning; it doesn’t serve a purpose, right?

Now I believe I’ve learned to live without you. In a world torn apart by “the battle of ideologies,” I’m equipped with everything I was able to learn, seeking redemption and acceptance. There’s no specific good or evil; what matters is the greater good in everything.

Life’s nothing but a throw of a dice in a game of gamble. Everything is a chance, a coincidence or an accident that arises from a much deeper chaotic uncertainty. You might not get the chance to play today’s game tomorrow. Nature always keeps a balance, a balance between good and evil, between what exists, and what is yet to be born. It always course-corrects and maintains the equilibrium. In this process, it preserves the fit and let the weak perish, because what lies at the bottom is pitiless indifference!